I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
