Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
