i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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