New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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