Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
