Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
