FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
