I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
