I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
