Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
false alarm. still invincible.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
