I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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