Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
