So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
