I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she was so not down for the gang bang
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
