My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
