I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
