My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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