I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
