somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
