So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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