I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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