She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
