thus making me awesome and them whores
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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