He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
