and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
