Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
