so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Everything about him screamed your future.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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