wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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