Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
