I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
