you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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