i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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