I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
