Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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