I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
