I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
