i just google imaged poop.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
