Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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