I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
