OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
