Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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