She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
