I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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