ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
