i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
