Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
