I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
