No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
