I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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