how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
