I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
